We’ve been looking for a house for almost a year now, but nothing, and I really do mean nothing is good enough. Every house M. sees has something wrong with it; it’s on a hill, it’s too close to a road, there aren’t enough trees, blah blah blah. I’m almost starting to feel that he doesn’t even want to buy a house!
Living apart has been super rough. I don’t like doing the single parent thing during the week, and I certainly don’t like the mad dash to get everything done together as a family during the weekends. It’s also starting to really cost us to maintain two households. Rent, groceries, ect all piles up at both places. Psychologically it’s not great either. The kids really miss their dad and I really miss my husband.
We’ve been trying to stay optimistic about it, but it’s getting harder and harder to hang on to that fake smile. What was supposed to be temporary quickly turned into six months, and now we are swiftly approaching the one year mark. It’s great that M. has his job & his bosses seem to be very understanding about letting him work a ton of overtime and come in late on Monday mornings, and leave early on Friday evenings. It’s great that our marriage is strong enough to deal with all of this. It’s great that our kids are mature enough to get through this. But that doesn’t make it any less depressing.
It’s time for me to get a job. The littlest is in school for a full day now. I’m nearly done pumping for the surro-babe. It is high time I contributed financially. But…I’m in limbo. Where do I get a job? Something temporary here – or work toward an actual career there where we plan on moving? Do I get something part time during the day, or hire a baby sitter and get a “real” job 9-5? I haven’t worked in 5 years, so I’m afraid of starting and stopping too many new jobs. And honestly, I don’t even know what I want to do! I honestly have no idea what I’d be good at or where to start looking. Somehow my interests just don’t seem to equate into paying jobs.