I feel so lazy, but eh, I have a lot of excuses, right? I began the third trimester of my surrogacy journey last week and it hit me like a ton of bricks! I am back to being absolutely exhausted. Just the thought of having to get up tomorrow morning makes me want to cry. But coupled with the exhaustion has been some delightful pubic symphysis pain, intense swelling (my eyes were practically swollen shut this morning and my lips were huge!), and absolutely nothing fits my big, fat belly anymore making me look like a homeless woman waddling around town in my husband’s flannel shirts. My house has turned into a heap of filth and broken toys, again, and my house routine is completely lost. I almost don’t know what to do with myself except just stare at a wall and wait for it all to eventually be over.
But enough with the whining! Solstice/Christmas will be here in a couple of weeks, which means the little ones will be bringing home new toys from Grandma & Grandpa’s house. That, and the realization that we probably will need to relocate next Spring (and I might, ahem, need to get a job) is inspiring me (at least mentally) to get things cleaned up and sort through our junk. The pile is enormous and I only get two and a half hours a day to work on anything, which means, I usually end up doing nothing. So, I’ve been at least trying to get the playroom sorted out before the man in the red suit shows up.
I’ve been terrible and inconsistent with pretty much everything else too. Chores are done on a haphazard schedule, exercise is done in spurts, and my writing has petered out in the last several weeks. And blogging? AH! hahaha! If I don’t have the energy to get around to washing my underwear or deleting my TiVo shows, I certainly don’t have the energy to keep up a Surrogacy Blog. Yup, I can’t even keep up with my Twitter account. Sad, I know.
I’ve gotten a little depressed over my laziness, and whenever I try to recommit, I tend to get overwhelmed. But the thought of going back to work and/or moving with a disaster of a house (and life) is even more overwhelming, so I’m attempting to start making some baby steps to change it. Perhaps if I overhaul it in in small pieces I can pull it off.
I’ve spent the last three days making checklists and calendars and organizational binders with the idea that if I can get through three months with a pre-prescribed plan and actually stick with it, I just might be able to alter a few of my bad habits. I hate it when women use pregnancy/motherhood as an excuse to lose any focus or discipline, and I really hate that I’ve become one of those women myself! So! Since I am an avid list maker and planner, I’m starting with the blogging routine and exercise to see if I can resurrect both of those good habits. My novel is going to stay on the back burner until Baby is born since I’m very scatter brained lately and one day of missed writing tends to derail me. Instead I’ll focus on smaller short stories and some poetry until then. And, well, I dunno…maybe I’ll start dusting again…but I’m not going to promise anything!